To write an update to our “Waiting for Baby” story is a little overwhelming as so much has happened in the last year for us. When I last wrote, (see our story here: http://waitingforbabystoriesblog.blogspot.com/2012/08/nate-and-tiffanys-story.html) we had been trying for several months to get pregnant with number three. What I had no idea was what was to come in the next year of our lives. Last summer, after a trip to the emergency room and some follow up diagnostics, I was diagnosed with an “endometrioma” or a bleeding cyst on one of my ovaries that required surgery. After the surgery, my OB/Gyn told us that she had to remove the whole ovary and tube because it was so diseased. We knew that this might be a possibility but the reality was very harsh for a mama that has a deep desire for more kids! Recovery was hard emotionally and physically but I was assured by my doctor that this may in fact increase my fertility as getting the diseased ovary out allows the other one to work better.
Within three months I had a positive pregnancy test and was overwhelmed with joy and feeling incredibly blessed. I wept at God’s faithfulness that night and wrote down the verse from 1 Samuel 1:27, “For this child I prayed; and the LORD hath given me my petition which I asked of him”. I had pleaded with God for this baby and He had been faithful to bless me with it. I quickly started planning ways to tell our family and names and all of those motherly things that flood your heart and life when you find out that you are pregnant. I immediately contacted my OB and was scheduled for some blood tests as well. Within a day or two, it became clear that something was wrong and blood tests confirmed within the week that my levels were in fact falling instead of rising and I was losing my baby. My “blessing baby”, my answer to prayer, my testament to God’s faithfulness was gone. That was September 26, 2012. While the physical and emotional healing took some time, it was the spiritual healing that was the hardest. I had in my head that God and I had a deal; since I had so much trouble getting pregnant, He would NEVER ask me to endure a miscarriage, right?! I thought that He knows what we can handle!? Surely He knows that I can’t handle this! While I never doubted His love, His sovereignty, His plan, I didn't understand it at all. I couldn't even sit in church without crying and one Sunday, during a special communion service, I had to leave and sit in the car, weeping and praying for God to help me understand. My OB was actually a huge blessing to me, as a Christian woman and doctor she called me shortly after the blood tests and prayed with me. She sees this all the time as a doctor and knows all the science behind things like this but she reached out to pray for my spiritual healing.
It was several months before I was ready to start trying again for a baby and again, with each passing month of negative tests, I was discouraged. In February I had another negative pregnancy test and prayed for contentment. I truly felt it too! I was content with the role that God gave me as wife to a wonderful, faithful husband and mother to two, healthy, rambunctious boys. I was done with being obsessed with becoming pregnant and was ready to settle in to real life again, not the life that I had planned out in my head. Within a couple of weeks, I was pregnant. It sounds so cliché but contentment truly came before the desires I had in my heart were fulfilled. We are now 30 weeks along and anxiously awaiting Baby’s arrival in late October! We don’t know what we are having and are excitedly dreaming about whether we will have a little brother or little sister to love. God is still faithful and while I still don’t understand everything, I could not handle life alone, without the comfort and support of knowing a loving God and His grace and mercy.