Hey, y’all! My name is Alaina Mayes and I blog over at http://unashamedgrowth.com/. Kassandra graciously asked me to share a little bit of my story and where we are in the process of expanding our family. I hope you guys enjoy my visit and are encouraged in your journey!
Let me catch you up on the happenings of the last few years. My husband and I have been married three and years. We wanted to begin our family within the second year of our marriage but were diagnosed as infertile due to my endometriosis. I had a laparoscopy and a hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue then we proceed with IUI treatments. Nothing worked. And, the five month time span between diagnosis and our last IUI had to be the hardest and darkest months I’ve ever experienced. Although my husband and I are both Christians and have been since we were young children, I’d never experienced anything that made me truly and seriously question God.
Thomas, my husband, and I decided that we would take a year off of trying and really give it our all in 2013. A couple of months shy of 2012, I was hit hard with the concept of adoption. I was taken by it. I fell in love with out this Earthly adoption process mirrored so greatly the spiritual adoption that occurs when we give our lives to Christ. When we were first diagnosed a friend asked me if we would be interested in adopting and I quickly shut down the conversation. I wanted children of my “own”. Isn’t it funny how God can insert our feet into our mouths when we declare our plans and what we want?
He did just that. This past January we began our journey through adoption. Since then we’ve had two failed private adoptions and an agency switch. And, just recently God has placed a love for foster care deep within my heart.
That is just a brief physical history.
Over the last two and a half years The Lord has taken a wrecking ball to my spiritual life. He has completely destroyed the shallow beliefs, cutesy memorized scriptures, and “supposed to’s” that I’d grown so accustomed and comfortable with. He has rebuilt me. He has laid a new foundation that is made up of a crazy love for a God who is filled with grace and love. I’d not known this God before. I knew of God – I didn’t know HIM. I’d a few favorite scriptures committed to memory but didn’t really know in full what they meant and how great they spoke of God. I knew nothing of the power of the scriptures and how they could comfort, teach faith, and encourage. I found God in these last years and have desired to remain face to face with Him moment by moment.
Right now, I am emotionally and spiritually being remade into what I know God designed me to be. We are at a crossroads with our adoption – we are dedicated to an agency but am unsure if we’ll be led to accept a private adoption or if we’ll decide to foster. For the first time EVER in life, I am completely alright with hanging in the balance. I’m not a hanging in the balance kinda gal. I’m a hit the ground running-physical calendar-lets schedule it out NOW kinda girl. So, God has done a great work on me. And, I am forever grateful.
I’m not sure when we will welcome a little one into our home – I’m actually terrified of this private adoption. Could I take yet another failed attempt at having a child? This wait has been trying and exhausting and at times I feel as if I want to quit. I don’t know how God will bless us but even with all of the question marks and penciled dates in the calendar, I do know that I have never appreciated such hardship and heartbreak in my life. Without these past couple of years, I would have never clung to God or gotten to know and love Him the way that I have. I’m not ashamed nor do I have bitterness about my circumstances because they’ve humbled me and brought me before the throne of grace with a brokenness that left me malleable for God’s use.
I’m not sure where you find yourself today. If you’re broken, tired, frustrated, envious, or have given in to the dark place you find yourself in. I’ve felt overlooked by God, completely and utterly forgotten about. But, I promise you God cares. He sees you and He is concerned about you. He is a good Father – He sees our future and who He created us to be yet understands that we have to be grown and matured in order to be ready for the great things he has in store for us. That maturation process is rarely ever easy or quick. He promises to never leave us; He says that He goes before us, and that His love will endure through it all.
God is strong enough to carry us through the most difficult situations, big enough to protect us from the scariest situations, tender enough to quiet us with His love, gracious enough to forgive our ever misstep and distrust of even Him. We just have to have faith and believe that His word is true.
I pray that God soften your hearts and that you allow yourself to be redesigned. I pray that you position yourself to learn His character and embrace His goodness and truth. I pray you get to experience Him in a way that you never have before and that you learn to see His glory and grace in every situation you find yourself in. I pray that you get to know Him and willingly bow at His feet.
He is so good and is waiting for you with His arms wide open.… here’s to a God worthy of glory and honor. To a God who empties us of ourselves only to fill us with a love for His people and a hope that keeps us persevering to a victorious end.