Saturday, October 6, 2012

Waiting For Baby~Nick's Story~Part 2

Newly married, time had gone by and still no sight of children. I went through many medical tests only to result in more questions and speculations.  See, my wife's waiting for baby story is a little different from most wives.  The problem does not lie within her, but me.  The doc says she is perfectly healthy and could have a baby any day.  I on the other hand, have to come to the speculation that when I had my surgery for the removal of the pheo tumor, that perhaps scar tissue has deadend some nerves, not allowing the final "product" to happen. Basically, everything happens for me in the sex department, except that nothing comes out.  I have had many test to see if it was retro ejaculation, test to see if there were clogs in the "plumbing," and all have left me with no indication that anything is wrong.  The only thing to really come out of these test, is more complications.

For example, I had a testicular biopsy done a few years ago.  It was supposed to be an in and out and back to work the next day kind of thing.  Instead, my testicle swelled to the size of a Mr. Potato Head and ended up being off work for an entire month.  Because of this incident, I decided to take a hiatus from the medical world , not letting anyone touch, poke, or prod anything remotely associated with that part of my body.  Kassie was very understanding in giving me space to just let things be during this time.  No tests, no docs, no drugs, just her and I.
Four years later it was about the time of our 7th anniversary, I started coming back around to the idea of the world of doctors.  All roads kept pointing towards invitrofertalization if Kassie and I were going to have a child between the two of us.  So, one Sunday morning I was laying in bed and around 4ish in the morning, I started thinking that I needed to start getting things lined up for invitro.  Start opening the doors of communication again and move us forward in this process.  I hadn't told Kassie any of what I was thinking as we got up and headed to church.  We get to church, do the praise and worship thing, and then settle in for the pastors message. 

He begins talking about the story of Abraham and Sarah. Just hearing those two name right out of the gate has me thinking, "Ok God, you got my attention, what do you want to say to me?"  The pastor goes on to to preach about waiting on God and doing things "God's Way."  See, Abraham and Sarah couldn't have children, but God had promised them a son.  They were both old and past their child-baring years.  So Sarah, who was considered barren, gave Abraham Hagar-her maidservant-to have a child with.  This was a common day practice back then.  If the woman couldn't have a child, she provided a maidservant to get the job done.  Abraham ended up having a son through Hagar named Ishmael.  But, God reminded Abraham that this was not the son of the promise and that he WOULD have a child through Sarah.  Today, the descendants of Issac and Ishmael still fight over the birthright and cause much strife in the world.  The moral of the story was to wait ....on God's time to do it HIS way.  Walking away from that message that morning combined with the thoughts earlier, I felt God saying to wait on Him and trust that He would do what needs to be done in His time.

This is a very difficult position to stand on as the husband of the house.  It is difficult to watch the woman you love, who is destined to be a mother pour out her love to little ones around, but have none to call her own.  It is difficult as a man to have no control of fixing the problem and leave things in God's hand.  But, this is the stance I must take.  That God is in control, that again-Romans 8:28-will prevail.  Though I may not know what good is in store, I must have faith to stand not just for Kassie and I, but for all who are experiencing the trials in growing their family.

So, here we are, waiting, writing, praying, persevering in faith, and trying to encourage all that we encounter that THERE IS HOPE.  The world is full of hurting people going through trials and struggles in bearing children.  I can only hope that through faith in in Christ and the story He is weaving in our lives, will bring healing to the broken and hope to the hurting.  You are not alone and perhaps together, through this blog we will witness the wonders of Gods power and healing hand as we all, wait for our babies.

1 comment:

  1. Nick, I cant get over how beautiful this is. Really. Wow.

    I am so truly grateful to have a couple like you two in our lives.

    A couple I met while in Haiti meeting Via has a story like no other to share. Before I knew her story, Auline was focused on helping me say goodbye to Via and relax and have faith when it came to bringing her home.

    She said words I cling to and words that got me through the wait and wonder:
    It isn't always easy and it isnt always OUR time, but God's time is ALWAYS perfect.

    You went right to the heart of that in this post.

    God bless you.