Monday, January 5, 2015

Update on Nick and Kassie

As I write this update, I still can't believe that I get to share with you news we have been praying and hoping for for 9 years.  This journey to have kids has been heartbreaking painful and yet, you have been there every step of the way sharing your stories and praying/hoping right along with us.  After countless surgeries, more medications than we can count, failed attempts at adopting and foster care, it all led us to try InVitro as a last chance effort before my "time was up."  Well, the first attempt was deemed a success and we are now 4 months pregnant!

It's still hard for me to believe that we are pregnant and if it wasn't for the intense exhaustion, I probably wouldn't still believe it.  In fact, it has taken me these four months to even be able to get out the words without sobbing.  The physical tiredness of the situation and the emotional roller coaster we've been on has really taken a toll on me.  I find that I am much more introverted in my daily life and want this privacy that no one can expect now days with social media, fantastic friends, and ever-present family.  Everyone has advice and their own stories that they want to relive and I'm over here still reeling from the news that our 9-year wait is just over, like that!
It's been scary to share the news with our friends who still find themselves in the middle of their own battles.  I told a friend that I feel like I've been removed from a "club" of sorts, which she replied, "You never leave that club.  It's always going to be apart of you."  I just don't want to see the anger and pain in their eyes that so often plagued us during our waiting period.  Which is why I'm hoping to help change this attitude that couples going through this have to be angry and hurt all the time.  While it does feel like people are rubbing it in your face, the majority of them are not.  Each little babe that comes into your life should be welcomed by you with open arms-you would want that for your kid right?  I also know how hard pregnancy announcements are when your waiting which is why we waited so long to share the news on this blog.

Even though we have been given this amazing gift, we still find ourselves on edge knowing that we are never guaranteed the full 9 months let alone every day of their little lives.  Each night we go to bed, we pray over this kiddo asking for continued health and growth.  We also pray for our friends near and far that still find themselves waiting.  While I hated the words-faith and perseverance during the last nine years, I now see their importance and sometimes feel guilty for not displaying them stronger.  Yet,  I know we did the best we could and thank God every day that He persevered and had faith in us.

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