Monday, February 18, 2013

What NOT To Say

The following is a chance at humor in a difficult situation.  It's also an opportunity to learn a few things and maybe tune into some sensitive areas that may go unnoticed. When your friends and loved ones are trying to get pregnant, adopting, going through IVF, or have recently had a miscarriage, here are a few things NOT to say to them-you never know what their answer back might be!

What NOT to say to those adopting or providing foster care:
  • "How much are you going to pay for him/her?" Answer: Um, I paid to have all my kids, bio AND adopted so, do you want to know how much they cost as well?  In fact, don't bring money up at all, unless your going to help cover the adoption fee's. 
  • "How many of them are your real kids?" Answer: They are all real. I don't have fake kids.
  • " When are you going to tell them they are adopted?" Answer: NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!!
  • "Can you give them back if things don't work out?" Answer: Your kids are brats, why don't you give them back!  Yea, shove them back there, see how you like the pain, and THAT is what a foster/adopted parents feels like when you ask something that hurtful!
  • "There is no point to foster parenting, they end up just like their birth parents anyway." Answer: Wow, and to think your kids are going to wind up like you! 
  • "Aren't you afraid of taking away resources from your real kids?" Answer: Your an idiot.
  • "Your adopted son/daughter is so lucky to have you!" Answer: Are my other children not?
  •  "Don't you think it is kinda foolish to adopt a special need child when you already have kids?" Answer: Is it not foolish for a pregnant person to have a special needs child just as much as it is for me to adopt one?  We're just gonna send a prayer up for you now.
  • "You know you're going to get pregnant as soon as you adopt." Answer: Thanks, but probably not...grrr. How about just some excitement for our adoption and leave it at that??
Why did you choose international adoption when there are so many kids who need homes here?" Answer:
There are children all over the world who need families. No child is more deserving of a family than another, regardless of where he or she was born!

What NOT to say to those trying to get pregnant:
  • "It will happen"  Answer: No, it will never happen because it's not physically possible.
  • "You're so young" Answer: And your so old.
  • "Why don't you just relax"-Most annoying one in my book!
  • "Your just stressed." Answer: YOU HAVE NO IDEA!
The worst is when people know that you've been trying desperately for a baby and are super insensitive when telling you that they are pregnant. It's like, we don't want to play your cute "we are pregnant" game!!!!  Always try to be extremely sensitive when telling family and friends that you know are struggling. Find a way to tell them first or separately. 

What NOT to say to someone whose miscarried:

  • "How many have you lost?" Answer: It's not like I misplaced them!
  • "Well at least you will get to hold that baby in heaven!" Answer: Really! Who if given the choice would wait an entire life time to hold the baby that was ripped from them before they were fully formed? 
  • "You can always try again, it will happen. Maybe your just to stressed and as soon as you stop stressing about it, you'll be pregnant!"  Answer: *sigh* If only it was that easy, but thanks for adding to my stress level!
  •  "Well at least it was sooner than later." Answer: I would rather take every day I could get with that child.
  • "You didn't want to be pregnant in the summertime anyway." Answer: Oh really you think that I am that selfish of a person! I would be pregnant anytime!!!

1 comment:

  1. These are great! I LOVE the new back ground! That reminds me, I need to change longer V-day. : )