Sunday, December 23, 2012

Another blow, Another Blessing, Another Story

This Story is from One of the Waiting For Baby Founders

Recently, I was dealt another blow in the infertile world of waiting for baby.  After checking into a pain I had on my left side and being diagnosed with an operable ovarian cyst, I thought, "No big deal.  this isn't going to harm anything."  Let's do it!  Besides, the ugly C word-as I call it-loomed over the whole situation which made me more eager to GET. IT. OUT!

Unfortunately, two days later the pain was unbearable and I  pretty much was shaking and sweating so bad that my lovely co-workers decided I needed to leave.  After making arrangements for someone to come get me, I was rushed to my doctor.  He poked and prodded the places I really wasn't ready for anyone to poke and prod, and decided that immediate surgery the next morning would be necessary.

The next morning, my wonderful and loving husband took extra care to drive slow and down roads without bumps.  He was super attentive and asked all the questions you'd think I would be asking.  Instead, I just laid there in warm blankets as they drew blood, hooked my up to more wires and monitors that seemed necessary, and thought about the ugly C word praying that I would not become another victim of it's ravaging.

What I didn't know was that there was another type of ravaging going on.  When the doctor went in to remove the cyst, he found a rotting fallopian tube with a dried blood clot, and an ovary spotted with endometriosis-a female health disorder that occurs when cells from the lining of the womb (uterus) grow in other areas of the body. This can lead to pain, irregular bleeding, and problems getting pregnant.  So, he removed both in the best interest of my health and future of becoming a mother.

When I started coming out of my drugged-up state of mind, they told me what they had found and what they removed.  Apparently I lost it.  I remember crying, but not enough for them to consider me a "risk."  This means I had to stay a little longer and have 3 people in the bathroom with me to pee.  I wasn't allowed to be alone.  Really? Do you think I want to be alone at this time???  My hubby was there and that was all I needed.  From what he has told me, he was pretty shaken by my reaction. Not knowing what to do, he just covered my upper body with his, held my head to his chest, and let me sob until I was finished.  This is why I love him and will forever be his "squirrel."

When I was finally able to go home, I slept a lot and cried a lot from the pain.  My house quickly filled up with flowers, balloons, cards, tissues, folding chairs, food, and people.  One after another, people came and delivered blessing after blessing.  Well wishes were extended and prayers were prayed for fast healing.  Several conversations took place over the phone and life kinda took on a new routine.  I did a lot of PR stuff, caught up on some reading, watched movies, ate a LOT of ice cream, and tried to be somewhat positive over the whole situation.  There WAS a reason for this right?  I mean, why now? Why ever?  Why did it have to be such a critical organ that's needed to get pregnant?  Why Me?

I'm ashamed to say I didn't pick up my Bible once during the week of "healing."  I couldn't even pray more than one word, "Why?"  And then an answer came in such a way that it left me pondering for a couple days.  Did I not realize the blessing in disguise this operation really was?  I mean, I had a decaying organ inside of me-Gross!  And another organ that wasn't even functioning to help the pregnancy process anyways so, what was I whining about???  I have an amazing husband whose gone nine years dealing with what I was just know feeling.  It's like having a built in counselor!  I'm surrounded by amazing women who've actually never had the opportunity to get pregnant or have had to say goodbye to their little lovies before ever setting eyes on them.  They are my infertility gurus and are available 24/7 to me.  I have a mentor that prayers for us daily and pleads on our behalf for a child, a wonderful family who does their best to love us through this process when their hurting just as much, and a Heavenly Father who hears me.  Who sees my pain.  Who knows how mad I am, Who knows how hard it is for me to go to Him because my faith is dwindling. 

And yet...He still loves me. He still wants what's best for me, for us.  He knows I'm human and forgives my human ways.  He knows what organs I need and don't need.  He knows the desire of our hearts.  He knows what time is best.  He is preparing a way. He's gently reminding us how many times we have seen Him answer our prayers before and given testimony over and over at the works He has done on our behalf.  Will He not do one more?  Will it not in the end be considered a blessing rather than the initial blow?  Will He not continue writing our story long after the hurt and pain are just a memory? Yes, He will, He is MY God!

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