Spread the Word...

Meet the VanWinkles. Lucas, Kelli, Corinne, and....soon to be announced!  This family is adopting for the second time and need our help to spread the word to raise funds.  Please consider helping this forever family grow by clicking on the following link to read more about their story:

http://www.gofundme.com/1i5v00

Amy's Story~Part 1

As I get older and learn to open up and share with people, I realize that the word that changed my life is pretty darn common.  Endometriosis.  So many women have heard that word in diagnosis and then heard the potential treatments and felt completely bereft.  I remember a period of relief as I came to grips with a real ‘thing’ causing my pain.  That felt good.  I wasn’t nuts; the pain was real and caused by something. Whew.

But, I distinctly remember sitting across the big old Dr. desk hearing the prognosis for my future as a mom.  Start having children now.  At least start trying.  Now. 

Super.  I wanted a big family.  I was 24.  Dating a great guy, but only for about three months.  How could I tell him that ummm, now was the time for me to have kids.  By the way, do you want kids?  It seemed overwhelming.

From that point of being overwhelmed I made the decision to try Lupron as  a treatment.  One shot a month, instant menopause.  No period, No endo.

I didn’t ask many questions.  I didn’t research or google or ask around.  I just stuck a hip out and said go. 

I was completely unprepared for the side effects.  Hot flashes and chills were the least of my problems, though they plagued me hourly.  My heart raced.  My weight dropped.  My hair fell out.  I was a nervous wreck, the anxiety almost crippling.

 The pretty great guy I was dating, well, he hung around through all the ups and downs and down furthers of Lupron.   When I had my second shot and the side effects got worse it was him that said enough was enough.  By this time I was a ‘hot mess’ but so in Love with this man.  He proposed.  I said yes.  We went to the priest, who went to the archdiocese and 5 weeks later we were married.  I cried as I called to cancel the appointment for the 3^rd Lupron shot.

As I look back on that horrendous time in my life, I am struck by several things.  Primarily how amazing it is that God puts the right people together at the right time.  If anyone ever doubts that God has a plan I think the summer and fall of 1995 in my life are clear indicators that there is a reason for everything.  But I am also struck by the events that led me to such an invasive and difficult treatment.  Truly, I asked NO questions.  I didn’t do any leg work.  My step father, the man who raised me, was an OBGYN in Omaha for 40 years.  He told me to trust this Dr. Only after I began to struggle did I start looking in to Lupron and drugs like it to find out what was happening to my body.  I can’t believe that.  How could I have so blindly agreed to such a huge change:  menopause at age 25?

The thing is, I know that so many women have gone through this and worse in the pursuit of a family.  It challenges you physically, mentally and spiritually.  Don’t even mention financially,.  Holy Cow.  Yet couples choose these struggles all the time. 

I ask myself every now and again, If God knew what my family path was, why did he let me struggle so?  Nearly every step I took to put my little family unit together was a challenge.  Why? 

I met a beautiful woman on my first and only trip to Haiti.  She had been waiting to bring her son home for more than 2 years.  Just like us.  When we said good bye to our son/daughter she and I held hands and cried as we walked back to the hotel.  I said to her, Why?  If God is watching and he wants these children to have homes, why can’t he move this along?

She said to me, ‘Everything is God’s time.  And God’s time is perfect.’

I wish the faith to believe and live by that statement had come to me much earlier.  But I cling to it now and with perfect hind sight vision realize it is so true.

~Amy B.

Ryan's Story

The following story was forwarded to us from a dear friend who prays for us.  We wanted to share with you in hopes that you would be encouraged. Blessings~Nick and Kassie

Moments with You, Daily Connections for Couples Open Arms He makes the barren woman abide in the house as a joyful mother of children. Psalm 113:9 Recently a young man named Ryan shared with me this very personal story: When my sister was born, there were problems during my mom's pregnancy that made her unable to have more children. So my parents decided to pray for a miracle. They got down on their knees and prayed at the side of their bed every night for an entire year, but nothing happened. One year turned into two. Two quickly turned into three. Three turned into four. Four years of praying. Four years of hurting. Still, nothing happened. Right about that time, there was a young couple in high school. They had been dating for a while, but the girl said, "This isn't the guy I want to marry, and if I'm not going to marry him, I don't want to keep dating him." So they broke up. But a short time later, she found out she was pregnant with his baby. She didn't know what to do--didn't know if she should tell her parents, didn't want them to be upset or mad or disappointed. Finally, she just couldn't take it anymore. She broke down one night and told them. They didn't know what to do either. They already had four kids. One more mouth wasn't going to help things... . They started meeting with a counselor, looking at options, shedding a lot of tears, and trying to decide what to do. But the Lord took my parents' inability to have more kids, and He took that young couple's high-school indiscretion, and He meshed them together. On August 31, 1970, my parents, Jim and Shirley, brought me home from an adoption center. That's how I became a Dobson. That's the power of prayer. That's the power of adoption. And that's the power of a family. Discuss Infertility strikes so close to the heart, but talk about adoption is its redemptive response. Pray Ask God to increasingly make Christian families like yours available and open--havens of hope to millions of orphans. And if you know an infertile couple, please pray for them.

Adopting Older Children

This was taken from the Holt International Blog. Please take time to read and leave a comment on your experience adopting older children or the fear of adopting older children and what your concerns are.  We would love to hear from you!

Adopting an Older Child: Is Fear Holding You Back?

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 Shila Ann Henderson is the mother of 10 children, five adopted through Holt, three of whom came home after the age of five. “Some people think it’s too late for older children to be adopted, especially kids who have always been waiting,” says Shila. “Some think children who have experienced a harsh life will never overcome the effects. Those people have never met our Lan Lan, adopted at the age of 11, our Ningjie, adopted at the age of 10, and our son, Vu, adopted from Vietnam at the age of five — the sweetest, most loving children in the whole world!”

By Shila Ann Henderson

Christmas is going to be extra exciting this year with our recent addition of 8-year-old Ningjie. She is already talking about what Santa might bring and I can imagine her huge eyes, filled with delight, seeing gifts surrounding the glimmering tree. Gifts with her name on them. My husband and I will marvel at our own gifts—ten children, including five adopted through Holt International, and three of them after the age of five.

Lan Lan’s referral picture.

Last year, I felt God calling us to adopt two children. As soon as we were matched with then 11-year-old Lan Lan, I kept coming across a Bible verse and felt an absolute certainty that God had two children for us to bring home (which in retrospect, proves, once again, that I have no future as a prophet!).

At that time, in June 2010, China’s Special Focus program hadn’t yet been instituted. China still had the ruling of adopting only one child, at one time, unless they were related. Our agency had the same rule.

And yet . . . I was so certain about two that my husband agreed to pursue the possibility. We had our social worker write our homestudy for two. She probably thought we were strange for this request, because as already stated, it wasn’t possible to adopt two at once, and we already knew Lan Lan didn’t have a biological sibling.

Over the course of our adoption of Lan Lan, we inquired about the possibility of adopting two older children. China began the Special Focus program in September, making it a possibility. We even reviewed the files of several children aging out, but always decided it wasn’t meant to be.

It was confusing.

But, we brought home Lan Lan and immersed ourselves in loving her and teaching her about unconditional love. It was an exhausting time. Our hearts and home were full.

And yet . . . so often, especially in the quiet of night, I wondered about that second child from China. Were we meant to bring another child home? Was there a missing face at our dinner table? I couldn’t shake the feeling there was. I had this unrelenting feeling about someone missing.

Lan Lan today, two years later.

And yet . . .my husband thought our quiver was feeling rather full. He wasn’t saying no. But he wasn’t saying yes. He did say that if we were going to adopt again, it had to be a child who felt like a perfect match.

Over the course of the next few months, we kept talking. Praying. Wondering. Mostly, it was me doing the talking, praying, and wondering.

We looked at many beautiful faces. Boys. Girls. We narrowed our definition of a child that might fit into our family. Lan Lan only wanted a sister–she felt surrounded by brothers. And we knew that if we were to adopt a girl, Lan Lan would do best being the older sister.

Several times we inquired about the possibility of a child fitting the narrow age gap we were requesting. Fitting the special needs list that we felt comfortable with, especially hoping for an older child who might have a hard time finding a home. But there never seemed to be a match.

And yet . . . someone was missing. We began updating our homestudy, just in case . . . .

And then one night I clicked on Holt’s waiting child page.

And there she was.

I haven’t always recognized my children the moment I saw them–true of both birth and adopted children.

But this time? I can’t explain it. I just knew.

It was very late at night, so I couldn’t share with my husband until the next day. Honestly? I didn’t expect him to have the same reaction. I was really beginning to accept the fact that child number two was a figment of my imagination.

His reaction? Mirrored mine. Her soul-filled eyes. And the way the light came down on her hair. A little girl with several special needs we already had experience with. An older girl who had been waiting for a family a very, very long time.

We just knew. She was our Mei Mei.

My husband requested her file that very day. Soon we were matched.

And the rest, as they say, is history. We brought Ninjie home in March.

Lan Lan (left) traveled with her parents to China to meet her new sister, Ningjie.

When people hear we have ten kids they first have to recover from the shock. Ten? Really? How’s that possible? How do you afford it? How big is your house?

Honestly, kids are as expensive as the lifestyles we choose, and while our current home has plenty of space, we think it’s good for kids to share a bedroom! Each child is truly unique; a gift from God. It is a blessing to see each child grow and learn, and it is especially rewarding to witness the blossoming of our children adopted at older ages. I wish more people would consider adopting an older child.

In many ways, adopting an older child is like raising any other child. All the “firsts” come quickly—first time riding a bike, first time celebrating a birthday, first time dressing up as a dragon slayer for Halloween. It’s an awesome experience to unearth buried treasure and watch our kids learn to play a board game, play the piano, or simply, play.

In other ways, adopting an older child is nothing like raising any other child—they never take for granted the food in the cupboards, the goodnight hugs, or the smiling faces surrounding the table. It’s humbling to teach a child to trust and to love. It’s a leap of faith.

Adding a child to the family always takes that leap of faith—whether that child comes through birth or adoption. Adopting an older child can take an even greater stretch. Our fears can overcome us as we worry about the effects of institutionalization, possible health and behavior issues, and our own ability to attach and love. Honestly, we fear how our lives will change. As parents, we know that fear! But we also know the victory of putting fear aside and listening to God. The joys of adoption are infinitely greater than the challenges, and there are so many older children just waiting for the chance to be loved!

When I see the faces of children, especially older children, waiting to be adopted, I glimpse their often challenging pasts, but I also see their potential! Each child has gifts just waiting to be released! I see the toddler just waiting to fill a loving home with shrieks of laughter and delight! I see the bashful 8-year-oldjust waiting to wow her mommy and daddy with her role as a flower fairy in the school play. I see the rambunctious 12-year-old boy just waiting for his chance to play team sports. Maybe he’ll be the star, or maybe only a benchwarmer, but regardless of his position he knows his parents will be in the grandstand, ready to cheer like crazy when he finally makes his debut.

And now it’s my turn to ask the questions. Have you ever considered adopting an older child? Is fear holding you back? Is one of the waiting children meant to be yours?

Some people think it’s too late for older children to be adopted. Especially kids who have always been waiting. And waiting. Some think children who have experienced a harsh life will never overcome the effects. Those people have never met our Lan Lan, adopted at the age of 11, our Ningjie adopted at the age of 10, and our son, Vu, adopted from Vietnam at the age of five — the sweetest, most loving children in the whole world!

I know that on Christmas morning, as we watch Ningjie, the newest addition to our family, grin from ear to ear, we will know she was meant to be ours. We will be so very thankful we took that leap of faith, high-jumped over our fears, dodged the questions about our sanity, and welcomed her with open arms into our lives. Now . . . and forever.

Learn more about Natasha, a 5-year-old girl from Southeast Asia who needs a family.

Learn more about Phoebe from Southeast Asia.

Helpful Resources for Adopting Older Children:

Listen to Archived Holt Webinars:

The Older Child:  The Transition Home

Listen to Archived webcasts from “Creating a Family”:

Adopting the Older Child

Preparing Yourself and Your Children to Adopt an Older Child

Reading Material:

Brothers and Sisters in Adoption by Arleta James

Sibling Attachment and Older Child Adoption by Abbie Smith, MSW, Holt Director of Clinical Services

Stories from Families Who Have Been There:

A Journey of Hope From a Father’s Perspective:  Bringing Gemma Home

The Unexpected Ease of Older Child Adoption

 Don’t Be Afraid

Lucas and Kelli's Story

Bringing Home Baby

Though our story felt to us like it was one of lonely originality and that no one else on the planet could understand what we were going through, it really was one that was shared by many. I hope that through sharing our experiences and journey at least one couple out there will feel like they are not alone and that there is plan for every family. Here begins our rollercoaster ride…

Lucas and I had been married for three years and it came time that the “itch” to start our family began. We tried the conventional way for a year without success. We then enlisted the help of doctors. First I went and had blood work and the ever so fun “dye test”. All clear, one hurdle of success! However, Lucas went next and we weren’t so lucky. Things weren’t working properly so, he underwent surgery to fix

his “system”. The doctors said to wait for about a year and that things should balance themselves out. Another year went by, and officially we had been trying for two years. However, even after patiently waiting and continuing our efforts, conceiving a baby still wasn’t working traditionally as it does for so many others. The sad and mad emotions had begun a year in, but they were becoming more and more prevalent. It didn’t help that our friends around us seemed to be getting pregnant by snapping their fingers. Friends who had been trying for two months or so without success felt that they could relate to our waiting, but really they couldn’t. Two months and two years are very different breeds of time with an anxiously awaiting couple. We know they meant well, but it was more frustrating than anything. Then you start to watch news reports with a different view; teen pregnancies, cases of abuse and neglect…it was all too much! REALLY?! How could it be possible for these people to bring babies into the world instead of us? We had a stable and loving marriage, great jobs, amazing families…what was wrong with us?

So, we headed into year three with more doctor trips. This time we decided to try the IVF route. Due to past medical issues with Lucas we weren’t eligible for a less invasive procedure like artificial insemination. We prayed and prayed and felt that this was the next path we were meant to take. Thus began a regimented dose of drugs that added some loops and spins to the rollercoaster ride! The added emotional loops and shots (literally) were less than fun, but the possible end result made it worthwhile to push through. Sadly our first attempt failed, as did our second attempt. It’s amazing how you can want something so intensely. After two failed IVF’s, depletion of emotions, and depletion of the bank account we were feeling pretty hopeless. What was God’s plan for us? We prayed, we thought we were listening…what did this mean for us? All I knew for sure was that we were meant to be parents, I felt it deep in my soul and heart. We took a little break and a vacation to regroup emotionally and reconnect as a couple. Infertility is not only heart wrenching, but causes new rifts in a relationship. We had had such emotional ups and downs we needed to take a moment to get back to us; reflect on why we fell in love, why and how we make a great team, all that we had overcome and accomplished as a couple, and God’s path for us. After some healing time we decided to attend an international adoption informational meeting. We had no plan or vision we simply went for information.

Who knew that we would walk out with God pulling on our heartstrings? It was a

different feeling than we had ever had before. We sat out on our patio afterwards

and talked for a solid two hours about adoption. What would our family think? How could we finance this endeavor? What country was speaking to us? We talked for the next few weeks about adoption. It was a topic that seemed to come up daily for us, as did the country of Vietnam. We talked, prayed, talked, and prayed, until finally we made the decision that this must be how God wanted our family to be created. And so began the paperwork chase of international adoption! That is whole other story, but it ended with bringing home our beautiful daughter Corinne. 

She was 8 ½ months old when we first met her in Vietnam and she is now 4 ½ years old. She is the most amazing thing that could have ever happened to us and I couldn’t imagine our family without her. God knew what He was doing the whole time, He was just waiting for us to really listen and figure it out. And I do believe with my whole heart that everything we had to go through had a purpose. We learned something new about ourselves individually, about each other, about us as a couple, and how not to take for granted all that you’re blessed with. We are a happy family of three now! Soon to be four as we begin the adoption process again, this time waiting to meet our son or daughter in Korea. Adoption is not the path for everyone, but this is how our story ended and we wouldn’t have it any other way.

Please help this "family of three" become and family of four! Take time to visit Lucas and Kelli's gofundme page at: http://www.gofundme.com/1i5v00 to learn more about the process their in and how you can help expand their forever family.

Speak Up! Act Now! The Adoption Tax Credit Needs Your Support!

Speak Up! Act Now! The Adoption Tax Credit Needs Your Support!

“This is the critical time to save the adoption tax credit.  If it is not passed before the end of the year, the adoption tax credit will not be available to assist families wanting to adopt.  Without the help of the tax credit, many families will find it impossible to adopt and countless children waiting for families will continue to wait. Please take a moment during National Adoption Month to save the Adoption Tax Credit — and the possibility for a waiting child to have a loving family.”  

Why is the adoption tax credit important?

The adoption tax credit helps tens of thousands of children every year find a permanent, loving family. By refunding some of the adoption expenses families pay, it makes international and domestic adoptions more affordable, ensuring that more children have the opportunity to have a family and that families at all income levels can offer children a loving home. The cost of an adoption should not be a barrier that prevents children from finding loving families.

Bottom line, the adoption tax credit makes adoption more possible for the more than 100,000 children in U.S. foster care, and the millions of children worldwide who need a family of their own.

 What is the status of the adoption tax credit?

For calendar year 2012, the adoption tax credit has a maximum credit of $12,650 (less than in 2010 or 2011). It applies to all types of adoption—from foster care, internationally, or privately from the U.S.—other than stepparent adoptions. The current adoption tax credit is set to expire, or “sunset” on December 31, 2012. As of January 1, 2013, the adoption tax credit as we know it will be gone; the benefit that will remain will be greatly reduced and restrictive.

Although the adoption tax credit was refundable for tax years 2010 and 2011, it is not refundable for 2012. This means that only families who have tax liability (meaning they pay federal income tax) will be able to benefit. Many families started the adoption process in 2011 or even earlier thinking they would be able to claim the benefit, but because of court or other delays may not get the support they need.

What does refundable mean? Why does it matter?

When a tax credit is refundable, taxpayers can benefit from the credit even if the credit is larger than what they pay in federal income tax. A nonrefundable credit is one in which taxpayers receive a refund of federal income taxes, but only up to the amount of taxes they otherwise had due. Here’s a rough example: A family has $5,000 in federal income taxes withheld from their paychecks during the year. When they do their taxes, they are due a refund of $4,000. The $1,000 the IRS keeps is their tax liability. If they adopted with expenses of $8,000, and the credit was not refundable, they would receive a maximum of $1,000 in adoption tax credit for the year (meaning that they have $5,000 instead of $4,000 refunded to them). If the credit was fully refundable, they would receive a refund of $12,000—their $4,000 regular refund plus the full $8,000 in their adoption expenses.

Families who have lower or moderate incomes will benefit little or not at all if the adoption tax credit is not refundable. In 2010, when the adoption tax credit became refundable, almost 80 percent of families who filed for the credit benefited from the “refundable” feature of the adoption tax credit.

What happens if no action is taken?

Far fewer children and their adoptive families will benefit. In 2012, the adoption tax credit is not refundable, so many lower and moderate income families will not benefit or will receive only a portion of their credit. After 2012, the credit will apply only to domestic special needs adoptions where the family has qualified adoption expenses. Most of the adoptions from foster care do not have any upfront expenses, so very few families who adopt from foster care will receive any refund. Those adopting internationally or privately will not receive a benefit at all.

What can you do to help save the adoption tax credit?

The best way to support efforts to make the adoption tax credit permanent and refundable is to write, email, phone, or meet with your Congressional delegation to let your Representatives in the House know that they want them to cosponsor H.R. 4373 or, for Senators, S. 3616. Go to www.house.gov and towww.senate.gov to find your member of Congress and your Senators and how to contact them. Or click here for an Advocacy Kit created by the National Council For Adoption.

Personal stories of how the adoption tax credit has helped  or will help their constituents become parents are the best form of lobbying on this issue and the more members of Congress who hear from their constituents about the need to continue the adoption tax credit the better. Voices from within the international adoption community are strongly needed! Contact your representatives today!!

Information provided by the Adoption Tax Credit Working Group. Click here to learn more:

http://adoptiontaxcredit.org

http://www.facebook.com/AdoptionTaxCredit

info@adoptiontaxcredit.org

Adoption Awareness Month

November gives so many reasons to celebrate, elections, Thanksgiving, Black Friday, Movember Moustaches, and the blessing of Adoption.  November is National Adoption Awareness Month. This month gives face to the millions of children who find homes through adoption and/or foster care.  Here at Waiting for Bay Stories, we realize the importance of adoption as several of our readers and writers are from adopted homes or are currently in the process of adopting.  We feel it is important to recognize the selfless act of the birth parents as well as the forever family.  We encourage positive language when talking about adoption/foster care. We also understand the heartache that comes along with adoption/foster care. Which is why we will only be posting stories and articles about adoption and foster care this month.

If your life has been touched by adoption and you would like to contribute to the discussion or see your story on the pages of Waiting for Baby, please send us an e-mail at: waitingforbabystories@gmail.com  We can't wait to hear from you!