Just "Be" this Holiday

Whew, we made it through another holiday season!  The gifts we spent so much time searching and wrapping to make it the "perfect gift," are sitting in someones back room or displayed in parts on the living room floor.  The Christmas tree still stands though it is bare underneath, while empty stockings swing by twinkling lights due to their emptiness once more.  And here we are, sleeping in, eating whatever we please knowing that the annual New Years diet is right around the corner, and enjoying the last few moments of 2013.  For Nick and I, this year has marked 10 years of working side by side, enduring heartache, and enjoying the spoils that come our way.  While we continue to believe and pray for babies, we are also making sure that we are taking care of ourselves emotionally, physically, and spiritually. While this holiday season might not be over for some yet, we would like to encourage you to enjoy every little moment you have together.  Find joy in the simplest of things, be still for a few moments every day, love each other like only you two know how.  Just "be."  ~Kassandra

Birth Without Fear

I am strong because on October 15th, 2010 at 37 weeks pregnant we walked into our OB office and found out our son Tiberius had passed away.

I am strong because I laboured for 12 beautiful hours and gave birth to my stillborn son in a silent room.

I am strong because on October 22nd 2010, my husband and I buried our first child. 

I am strong because 12 weeks after we buried our first son we found out we were expecting again.

I am strong because on May 2nd, 2011, at 18 weeks pregnant, we found out our second son Jacob would not be coming home with us, he was given a fatal diagnosis.

I am strong because despite having a fatal diagnosis we chose to carry Jacob and do everything we possibly could.

I am strong because during the next 18 weeks Jacob's diagnosis changed into something no medical doctor had ever seen before and his prognosis became unknown.

I am strong because on September 5th, 2011, our son Jacob was born via c-section. He cried even though we were told he would not.

I am strong because for the next 2 1/2 days Jacob fought so hard to stay with us and we fought so hard to keep him comfortable and did everything we could.

I am strong because at 7:45pm on September 7th, we had to make a decision no parent should ever have to make, we pulled his life support and Jacob peacefully passed away.

I am strong because on September 14th, 2011 we buried our second child.

I am strong because 9 months after we buried Jacob we decided to try once more.

I am strong because we became pregnant with what we hoped would truly be our rainbow babe.

I am strong because at 18 weeks we found out we were having a healthy little girl.

I am strong because I carried her for 36 1/2 weeks all along knowing we could lose her too.

I am strong because on January 8th, 2013, I was induced and we were on the way to meeting our miracle babe.

I am strong because after 16 rough hours of vbac labour, our miracle baby, Phoebe Faith, was born. Crying, screaming, healthy and alive.

I am strong because even though I only parent one child, I am a mother of three.

I am strong because I have carried 3 children full term but two already reside in Heaven.

I am strong because I chose to cling onto hope and faith when everything else was against us.

I am strong because parenting a rainbow baby is a challenging time in life.

I am strong because I now live with PTSD and fight with it on a daily basis. But I REFUSE to let it define who I am.

I am strong because my hopes and dreams have been shattered but I chose to hold on and now have a beautiful little girl who is the light of my life.

I am strong because I am sharing my video about my journey with you:
http://youtu.be/g5Urhe0aq44
Please know my video does contain pictures of my boys after they have passed. If this is too much for you, please do not watch.

Follow our blog: www.tyandjacobnelles.ca
Mamas who have endured loss, don't ever give up. Your rainbow could be one more rainy day away.

Waiting While Saying Goodbye

A little over a month ago, my Father-my hero, left this world of pain and suffering for a life of peace and rest.  While the loss has devastated our family, with each person dealing in his or her own way, there was a piece of me that seemed to be cut out knowing that my Father would never meet my Children and that my Children would never meet their Papa.

This has been the hardest part of our journey to date.  Tears do not come out of sheer shock of such a loss of hope.  My Dad, while he never fully understood our "situation,"  always made sure we "knew" what we were doing and encouraged us to "try harder"-this was always said with a mega-watt grin.  He always went out of his way to call and ask about our appointments or casually asked how we were feeling about things at any given time.  His sensitivity towards us and our "situation" was something I wish others would learn from.

So many have tried to "put themselves in my place," which never really helps unless you've experienced the same traumatic death of a parent while waiting for your children to come. Some have stated that I am "lucky" to not have to share this grief with my children who would be too young to "really understand." They may be right, I don't envy those having to struggle with their own despair while helping their children to understand their own loss.  Yet, my heart breaks because not only did my Father never get to be my children's Papa, he never saw me as a Mother, my husband as a Father, us as a Family.  Something I was hoping he would be proud to see and know.

While I do not know what the future holds, there are new thoughts and feelings that come and go as we continue to write our story. Now, we just have an angel watching over us.

Jacob Chen~An Adoption Story

We recently ran across this story on another blog and through many tears, found ourselves marveling at this beautiful story of a family.  We hope you enjoy it as much as we did and would love to know what you think!

Help Bring Zhi Home!

This last weekend we introduced you to this lovely family in Melissa's story about Bringing Zhi Home:
http://waitingforbabystoriesblog.blogspot.com/2013/11/melissas-story.html

Today, being cyber Monday and all, we would like to offer our readers a chance to help this family out while getting some holiday shopping done!  Please visit their Facebook page at:
https://www.facebook.com/bringzhihome  and click on the photo album marked "Auction Items" or click the link here: https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.180142852184459.1073741832.173083756223702&type=1

You will find over 40 items available for purchase with free shipping available this week only,  Auction ends Friday, December 6th.  Let's help this family out while checking off our holiday list!